This is my yoga now

For weeks now, my left shoulder and left hip have been bothering me both on and off the mat.

The hip has been problematic for a few months – ever since I changed studios and amped up my class frequency, actually – but the shoulder really kicked in during teacher training, when all the sloppily-done Chaturangas finally did me in.

I haven’t really practiced in a few weeks. That’s the most I’ve ever gone without yoga since I began to take regular classes a couple of years ago. I’ve been working with a Corrective Exercise Therapist (and she’s fantastic if you want a referral), and while the shoulder is getting better in spurts, I’m not making much progress with the hip (which by the way, got worse after my half marathon).

I may not finish my teacher training after all. I have a few requirements left, several of which I’d be happy to complete. One requirement I don’t see myself getting through, though, is the 90 hours of practice at my studio. I have about 35 hours under my belt since March, but between resting out my injuries and everything else it will likely not be feasible for me to continue to practice regularly enough to meet the September 30th deadline. The program director is willing to grant me an extension, but I think I might pass regardless.

If I’m transparent, the injuries are only one part of what’s prompting these thoughts. The other part is that I’m disappointed in my studio, and completing this requirement would mean continuing my membership for MONTHS, and therefore continuing to support this place financially. As I mentioned in my last post, my last day of teacher training wasn’t exactly uplifting.

The other part of this is that I don’t actually plan on teaching. Not in the traditional “upward facing dog – downward facing dog” way, anyhow. I learned what I needed to learn, and don’t want to pour another dime into a business that condones the kind of unprofessional behavior I witnessed this past weekend.

I’m going to wait a bit to continue to cool off before I make a definitive decision, since I don’t want to be reactive or cut off my nose to spit my face. But at this point my heart is no longer in it, I’ve never been one to use sunk costs as a decision-making variable, and if I ever live to see the day I regret this, I will take action to correct that if and when.

I have a Dr’s appointment for my hip on June 22nd. I hope I will learn then whether I can continue to practice without doing further damage, and at that point go studio-hopping again to find a nice, easy-going place where people are fun and friendly and laid back.

I’ve never not finished something in my life, but that’s no reason not to walk away from something I don’t believe in. Plus, I refuse to succumb to Stockholm syndrome and since I have yet to find my voice in a way that’s direct AND appropriate, I’m going to have to vote with my feet.